


I’ll tell you my sins

by destielshipping101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blushing, Burning, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Fireworks, Hurt/Comfort, It’s really trash writing, I’m really bad at tags, Kid Castiel, Kid Dean Winchester, Kissing, Kittens, M/M, Oneshot, Oral Sex, Running Away, Sex, Violence, but practice makes perfect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-25 11:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielshipping101/pseuds/destielshipping101
Summary: Castiel had asked me to meet him by the river. We took too many lingering looks and touches. We took too many risks. Maybe this is how it all began.Well, let's start from the beginning. It was when I first met him. We were in church, bored as ever with the sermon preaching away about nothing 10 year olds would care about, when our eyes met. I didn't understand what love was, much less love at first sight. Maybe if I was older I would have noticed how my heart started beating faster than normal. Or the way my palms were sweating or the how aware I was about the color of his hypnotic eyes.Or the one where maybe falling in love with your best friend in a homophobic town isn’t the best idea





	I’ll tell you my sins

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Take Me to Church by Hozier.
> 
> Ok I’m not gonna lie. This is a really dark one and those who are sensitive to violence should not read this. The people who do choose to read this pleaseeee leave kudos or comment. Every comment/kudos makes my day 10 times better and I really appreciate it. Sorry in advance.

 

Castiel had asked me to meet him by the river. We took too many lingering looks and touches. We took too many risks. Maybe this is how it all began.

 

 

Well, let's start from the beginning. It was when I first met him. We were in church, bored as ever with the sermon preaching away about nothing 10 year olds would care about, when our eyes met. I didn't understand what love was, much less love at first sight. Maybe if I was older I would have noticed how my heart started beating faster than normal. Or the way my palms were sweating or the how aware I was about the color of his hypnotic eyes.

 

The boy made a funny face at me, probably trying to make me laugh which he succeeded at. We were exchanging silly faces all throughout the half hour we had left in the pews. At some point I giggled so loud that the sermon scolded me.

 

At the end of the service, our eyes met again and he started to walk towards me, a little twinkle in his eyes.

 

"Hey... what's wrong with your face?"

 

I blink. "Huh?"

 

The boy with the blue eyes put his forefinger on the tip of my nose. I follow with the finger with my eyes until my eyes cross over. "These spots."

 

I automatically bring my hand up to my cheeks. I've always been self conscious about my freckles and how no one at school has them but me.

 

"They're freckles. My mommy says they are angel kisses."

 

The boy's finger was still tracing my cheek, booping each dot when he said,"I like them. My name is Castiel."

 

I looked up in wonder, "Like the angel?"

 

"Yep, but I didn't leave those things on your face, he says scrunching his nose.

 

"Freckles," I correct him, "My name is Dean."

 

Castiel smiles as he says, "Do you want to be my best friend?"

 

"Of course! My daddy has a best friend. His name is Bobby."

 

While Castiel was thinking of a response, his mother grabbed his hand and delicately said, "Time to go, sweetie!"

 

"Mommy, I got a best friend!" Castiel said while gesturing to me while I smile at the woman.

 

My mother, Mary, showed up behind him.

 

"Hello, I'm Mary," she says, holding her hand out to the other woman.

 

The woman smiles sweetly and shakes her hand while saying, "Maddison."

 

"Mommy, mommy," I say while pulling on my mother's Sunday clothes,"Can I go to Castiel's house?"

 

"Dean, don't be rude," Mary scolds.

 

"Of course he could come over."

 

"We don't want to be a bother."

 

"Of course it not a bother. We just moved here and Cassie hasn't been having any luck making friends."

 

"It's Cas," he says with a frown on his small face.

 

Maddison rolls her eyes and says, "Fine, Cas."

 

Mary is smiling at the interaction, "In that case, what time can we come?"

 

"How about after four? If that is a fine time for you."

 

"That's perfect."

 

At that point my face hurt from how much I was grinning. It looks like Cas was the same way, as well as a little shimmer in his eyes. I couldn't look away for some reason.

 

While our parents were discussing time arrangements and about their families, Cas and I started talking.

 

"You called me, Cas."

 

My cheeks burned,"Oh. I heard you talking to your mommy about it so..."

 

"It's okay. I only let people I like call me that. I like you, Dean."

 

"I like you too, Cas."

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

(15 years later) age 25

 

"We could get arrested for this," Cas says pessimistically.

 

"Come on! It'll be fun. I promise."

 

Cas sighs,"Fine. But keep in mind I don't like this one bit."

 

"Sure," I say while dragging Cas through the forest to a small opening where clusters of stars are shining. I have a backpack full of illegal fireworks and we are gonna have some fun.

 

"Dean," Cas whines,"What if we get caught?"

 

"Then you run,, I'll take the blame."

 

"The hell you are. We get caught, we go down together."

 

I groan and say fine even though I don't mean it. Cas has a scholarship to maintain. He can't fuck that up just because of me.

 

We stop in the middle of the clearing and I pull out the fireworks from my bag and rest them on the side. I have a lighter in my hand and I hand it to Cas.

 

"Do you want to do the honors?," as I stick the fireworks in the dirt.

 

Cas smirks and has a mischievous glint in his eyes. "With pleasure."

 

Cas lights the fuse and quickly runs away to the edge of the clearing with me.The fireworks shoot up in the air with all the colors of the rainbow in the sky (ha gay).

 

I look over at Cas. The color reflects in his eyes and makes them look even more brilliant. I'm so caught up in the beautiful sight, I almost don't notice Cas looking at me with a fond smile on his face.

 

"Oh, um, I was j-just...um," I stutter while nervously rubbing my neck.

 

Cas is still smiling and moves closer, "What dean?"

 

"I-I...," I feel the blush on my face, "You are gorgeous."

 

I can hear Cas' breath hitching and I feel his arms crawl around my neck. His eyes linger on my lips and he brings one hand down. His finger strokes over my lips and I breathe in a labored breath.

 

I see Cas coming closer and closer. His eyes flutter shut but mine remain open. To make sure I'm not dreaming. His soft lips hesitantly cover mine. It is a gentle, barely-there kiss but it meant so much more. It meant all those years of pining weren't for nothing. I bring my hands up to his hips and finally shut my eyes. The kiss slightly deepens but not much, almost like a tease.

 

We pull apart and Cas' eyes are still closed, in a daze. His open slowly and his sapphire eyes.

 

"I love you," I whisper before my brain could catch up to my mouth.

 

Cas strokes my cheek like he did all those years ago. "I love you, too Dean."

 

We didn't walk back to the car after that. We just laid beside each other on the soft grass. Staring at each other as if we hadn't seen the other in years. As if we had just discovered each other.

 

My hand is buried in the soft mess of Castiel's hair. "I have loved you for so long."

 

Cas smiles and teases, "Not as long as me."

 

"Try me."

 

Cas rolls over to his stomach and leans his head on his arms.

 

"Remember when you found that kitten in the air conditioner and I couldn't let it go."

 

"Yeah, what does that have to do with anything?"

 

"I was 10 but I wasn't stupid. I know you are allergic to cats but you still came over everyday anyway."

 

"How did you know? I thought I was amazing at faking it."

 

"Do you realize how much you sneezed in one sitting at my house?"

 

I frowned. "Oh...sorry."

 

Cas cupped my face. "Don't be sorry. You have the most adorable little sneeze."

 

I blush and try to turn away to hide it. I'm 25 years old goddammit.

 

"I also like it when you blush," he says with a voice like honey. "Boop," he says while tapping his finger one my nose.

 

I tackle him down to the blanket so he is on his back facing me. "You are not allowed to be that cute," I say, immediately attacking his face with pecks. He giggles when I get to his neck. "Dean!" he says between giggles, "Stopppp!"

 

I look up at his flushed face and unruly hair, "I love you," I say while stroking his cheekbone.

 

He grabs my wrist and holds my hand to his face, "I love you too."

 

I lean down and capture his lips delicately, like they may break if I move too fast. Cas on the other hand had other ideas and pushed his fingers in my hair and pulled me down for an aggressive kiss. His teeth nip at my lips and pulls slightly. I moan and he immediately plunges his tongue into my mouth, exploring the new uncharted territory.

 

We make out for a while before we have to go back to our own house so people won't get more suspicious than they already are. We managed a quick, secret peck in the car before we parted ways. It all feels like a dream. My smile didn't leave for the rest of the night.

 

(2 months later)

 

My relationship with Cas is still going on strong...even though we haven't taken it to the next level. Which is what this whole evening is about.

 

Cas and I have talked about this for a while and we both felt ready for this. I was ready since our first kiss actually but Cas needed sometime to get adjusted. I would wait a lifetime if that was what he needed.

 

We had to schedule something so our parents wouldn't get suspicious of why we were booking a hotel room together even thoughts weren't on vacation. We used the excuse that Cas' roommate accidentally burned down a cabinet somehow. We wouldn't be surprised if he actually did, Garth kept a raccoon in his room for a month. Burning down a cabinet wouldn't be the weirdest thing he has ever done.

 

Cas is supposed to arrive from his evening classes in an hour which gives me enough time to...get ready.

 

After staying in the bathroom for the whole hour and awkwardly scrolling through wikihow pages, I figure I'm clean enough. I walk out of the bathroom and check the room to make sure everything is perfect.

 

I hear a knock on the door fifteen minutes later. I open it to see a blushing Castiel holding a bouquet of sunflowers since I hate generic roses.

 

I pull him inside before giving him a peck on the lips. "Hey babe."

Cas looks down, his ears still red,"Hello Dean."

 

Two months into the relationship and he is still nervous when I kiss him. I swear he is the most adorable thing on this earth.

 

"How was class?"

 

"Ughh, exhausting," he says slouching on the chair,"Well not too exhausting," he says while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

"You want anything to eat. We can order pizza if you want."

 

Cas gets up and loops his arms around my neck. "I am hungry," he says huskily,"but not for food," he says before capturing my lips in a dirty kiss.

 

Cas walks me towards the bed without breaking the kiss. He pushes me down on it and stares down at me while unbuttoning his shirt. Oh god, why is that so hot? He crawls over me like a predator looking at his prey and all I could do was stare.

 

He leans down and whispers in my ear, "I have been thinking about this all day. Fantasizing about you under me, writhing. I had to sit in class with a boner, all because of you."

 

I let out a soft moan when he nibbles on my ear sensually. "Maybe I can help you out a bit."

 

"Hmmm, I'd like that," he says while working a bruise onto my jaw.

 

Before he knew what was happening, I flipped him over so he was under me. I kiss down his chest till I get to his already hard nipples. I capture one in my mouth, suckling lightly. My eyes glance up to Cas' face which is flushed. He covers is mouth with his hand and tries to hold back his moans. I release his nipple and blow cold air on it. I take his wrist and take his hand away from his mouth.

 

"Don't do that. I want to hear you," I say huskily.

 

Cas looks down at me with lust blown eyes as I resume my work down his chest to his cock tented in his jeans. I look up at him, silently asking 'can I?'. He nods his head and I pull it down his sharp hipbones which I'm absolutely in love with. His cock springs out with a bounce and rests on his stomach heavily.

 

I smirk at the size as my mouth waters. I've seen his cock before. Can't know anyone for so many years and never seen their dick. But that was just quick glances in the locker room. Not having a direct view of it, which is even better that I ever imagined.

 

I lick from the base to the weeping end. I scoop up the precome with my tongue and decide that its not too bad. I bring the head into my mouth and swirl my tongue around. Cas' hand threads through my hair and pulls slightly. I moan at the sensation which sends tingles all throughout Cas' body from his head to his toes. I start bobbing my head up and down, trying to get most of it in my mouth. Cas is openly moaning now with little "Dean", "Oh god", and "fuck" coming out every couple moans.

 

He tightens his grip on my hair and cries out, "Oh fuck, I'm gonna come!" I suck harder and look up into his eyes. "Dean!," he screams while pumping a load into my mouth. I help him through the rest of his orgasm before he gets too sensitive.

 

His chest is heaving as I crawl up and swallow while he stares at me. I can see his eyes start to droop but he tries to stay awake.

 

"You can sleep if you want to," I tell him softly while admiring the beautiful man in front of me. I don't know what I did to get this lucky.

 

"But what about you?," he says with his speech slurred.

 

"I'll be fine as long as I get to cuddle you within the next minute."

 

He smiles and pulls the covers down and climbs in. I take some baby wipes out and clean him up a bit before he gets to impatient and yanks me into his arms.

 

I giggle, "I thought I wanted to cuddle more." He buries his face in my hair and says, "Nope."

 

I can feel him smiling and I start grinning like a fool. Well maybe I am. "I love you, Castiel."

 

"I love you too, my love."

 

I fall asleep in Cas' arms dreaming of a future with him. A future with my sweetheart, as cheesy as that sounds.

 

(10 months later)

 

We always kept what we were doing behind closed doors, never in public, never where anyone could see us. But when Cas is so irresistible, sometimes I forget where I am. I'll never forgive myself for my mistake.

 

It was Sunday and we were at church with our respective families. In our little town, missing church under any circumstances would make you the talk of the neighborhood. Cas and I would sneak little glances at each other but not often enough to be detected. We were both impatient for the end of the service since it was our one year anniversary. Wow, one year has already passed and I'm still with my breathtaking boyfriend. I would thank god if he didn't hate us already.

 

Once we left, Mom wanted to take the family out for Sunday brunch and I could never say no to her. I apologize to Cas but he says, "No need, just meet me by the river at 8 o'clock."

 

We leave and I have a good time annoying Sammy about his floppy, moose hair. Afterwards I take him to the arcade. I don't think I could ever say no to that kid.

We leave around 7 and I head upstairs to get changed. I put on a tight black shirt and my special jeans that make my ass look extra lucious. Cas is going to like his surprise underneath them, I think while feeling the soft lace brush against my leg as I walk towards the river. I make sure no one is around to see me crawl through the wood to the shallow, slow moving river. 

 

 

 

Once I get far enough I notice Cas sitting my a rock with his eyes closed. He is wearing black jeans, a dark red shirt and that cute, black beanie I love so much.

 

I make sure to make some noise as I walk up to him so he doesn't get scared.

He looks up and I can see his eyes begin to shimmer. "Hey baby," I say before looping my arms around his head. He places his hands on my hips and leans his forehead on my chest.

 

"Happy anniversary my love," he murmurs into my chest.

 

"I can't believe its been a year."

 

I feel him smile against my chest, "Times flies when you're in love."

 

He pulls back slightly and reaches a hand into his pocket, "I got you something."

 

He pulls a pack of sparklers and gives a mischievous grin. I smile at them, how the lights brought them together. We light them up and I'm dazzled by the glittering lights. "I got something for you too." I take a album out of the backpack I was carrying. It has photographs from our childhood as friends to today as lovers. His eyes tear up a bit but I pretend not to see it.

 

"There was something else I wanted to give you but I wasn't sure if this was the right time." There is a little blue velvet box in his hand. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what it is.

 

"Dean Winchester, I don't even know how to describe how much I love you. So I'll just ask you this, will you marry me? Run away with me? Get away from this godforsaken town?"

 

My eyes fill with tears and I don't even care to hide them. "Yes! Yes yes yes!!"

 

He slips the ring onto my finger. It looks like it has blue vines running along the side.

 

I hold him close and we sway a bit. He gives me small closemouthed kisses all over my face.

 

"Let's do it tomorrow!"

 

Cas looks surprised,"So soon?"

 

"Unless that's a problem. I could wait for you."

 

"No! God no! I've wanted to leave for months. Actually scratch that, my whole fucking life."

 

"I'm going to tell them."

 

His smile falls a bit, "Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah. I can't leave them without an explanation and just leave Sammy with no one."

 

"Ok. If you tell your family, I will tell mine."

 

"You don't have to do that," I say with fear. His family is worst than mine

 

"We're gonna be leaving anyway, what's the worst that could happen?"

 

Maybe we were too deep in our own world to know we were being watched. Maybe Cas knew but never told me since we were leaving. Maybe it all could have ended differently if we knew Alastair was standing ten feet away from us.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

(The next day)

 

I walk into the kitchen for breakfast, my bags already packed in my room. I fumble with my fingers. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure everyone in the room can hear it. Everyone sits down and we all say grace.

 

I clear my throat and say,"Mom, dad, I have something to tell you."

 

They all look at me expectantly. Here it goes. "I'm gay."

 

There is a stunned silence. Mom is the first to speak. She gets up and walks to my side of the table and kneels. "Sweetie. It's ok. I still love you."

 

Sammy looks stunned but somehow... relieved.

 

"Excuse me?" Dad says in a low voice,"How could you accept this trash, this..this... faggot?!!"

 

"Dad, I-"

 

"No its fine. We could just get you fixed."

 

"It's not a disease. Its just who I am."

 

"Then get out of my house," he growls.

 

"I already have my bags packed," I say already standing up, heading for my room.

 

A hand on my shoulder stops me. I turn around and see the hazel eyes of my little brother. Hazel eyes filled with tears.

 

"Is it...is it really fine to like boys?," he says in a small voice. He looks like the little kid who would cry after running out of animal crackers again.

 

"Sammy," I say gently,"Are you gay?"

 

He whispers, "I don't know."

 

"Its fine if you are."

 

"I WOULD NOT HAVE YOU CONTAMINATING SAMUEL! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

 

"Dean, I'm scared."

 

"Do you want to come with me?"

 

"What?"

 

"Cas and I are moving to California, would you like to come with us?"

 

"What about Mo-"

 

Mom cuts in,"I would rather you safe. If you want to go, I'm fine with it."

 

"Why don't you leave dad?"

 

"Someone has to stop him from coming after you," she gives a sad smile.

 

"I love you, Mom. I'm sorry."

 

Sam and I rush to our rooms. He packs whatever he could in 5 minutes. I take the things to the impala and we drive off to Cas' house.

 

Only something is wrong. The windows are broken and the front door is wide open.

 

"Sammy, go to the driver seat. If anyone comes out and sees you, drive. Do you understand?"

 

He looks frightened but nods.

 

I run into the house where there is broken glass all over the floor and the furniture is turned over, tables flipped over.

I run straight to Cas' room. "Cas?!!" I cry out,"Where are you baby?!!"

I look out the window and see the most horrific scene of my young life. There outside was Cas being dragged out to the woods by men in hoods that obscures their faces.

I don't think I have ever ran faster in my life. Not when Sam fell off the garage roof. Not when Mom screamed 'The baby's coming'. Even then I was too slow.

As I got closer to the woods where smoke is rising up to the sky, my knees burning. I can hear Cas' begging. "Please let me go! I won't tell anyone I promise! Please don't hurt, Dean!" He wasn't begging for himself, he was begging for me. That only means one thing, they knew. This is all my fault. If Cas and I weren't together this wouldn't have happened.

The men with the hoods were tossing Cas into the fire. I'm so stunned I couldn't move. I could hear is gut wrenching screams. I could smell his burning flesh. His one cry, "Dean!!!!" pulls me out of the trance.

I jump into the fire and pull him out. I can hear sirens in the distance and everyone in the hoods scramble away.

Cas has burns all along his arms and legs. One side of his face is completely ridden of skin, only horrifying charred flesh. I hold him close and whisper sweet nothings and how much I love him into is ear. I can only hear one thing come out of his mouth. "I...love...you...Dee."

His eyes close. I know he is gone. That doesn't stop my screams for him to come back. The paramedics have to pull me from his scalded corpse. I can feel the tears run down my face. I'm encaptured by arms and pulled down into the chest. I take a deep, shaking breath. Sam. Oh my brother. I can't let him see this. All I could think is keeping Sam away. I get to my feet only to feel my knees give out. I don't hear my own sobs. I don't care about anything. The only thing in my mind was one name. Cas.

.

.

.

(20 years later)

I look at the three teens in front of me. Tears streaking all the faces. I look next to me and see Sam and Gabriel holding hands, looking the same as their children. Gabriel has never heard the whole story behind the death of his big brother. And Sam is just now discovering what broke me for so many years.

It started with the oldest, Claire, asking what happened to Gabriel's older brother. She has heard so many stories of him but never how he died. Dean was in the room when she asked. It took them an hour to bring him down from his panic attack.

"I'm so happy that you kids could love whoever you want. And my little baby brother could marry Gabriel. I loved Cas with all my heart...I still love him. I wanted to tell you because you finally deserve the truth."

Silence.

Almost simultaneously several pairs of arms wrap around me, encasing him in a sanctuary of comfort. I will be ok. I will see Cas again one day. I will see my love.

 

 

 

PLEASE COMMENT AND KUDOS, TELL ME IF I MADE YOU CRY

 

btw I cried while writing this. o.o

**Author's Note:**

> I did warn you, didn’t i?
> 
> Please comment or leave kudos!


End file.
